Speech & Toast Writer

Good evening, everyone. For anyone who doesn't know me, I'm Ben, Tom's younger brother by three years, which in our family means I've spent my whole life being told what to do by someone only slightly bigger than me. Today I get to do it back, on a microphone, with witnesses. So thank you all for that. I want to start with a story about the time Tom taught me to drive. He took me to the Tesco car park, very generous, very brotherly, and then spent the next hour shouting at me like I was reversing a getaway car through a bank heist. I did not get back in a car for six months. When I finally did, with an actual instructor who used his indoor voice, I passed first time. So thank you, Tom, for the character building. I genuinely could not have done it without you, mostly because I needed the six months to recover. But here's the thing about Tom, and this is the real story. A few years ago I got stranded, late at night, no way home. I called him not really expecting anything, and he got in the car and drove four hours, at two in the morning, to come and get me. No fuss, no lecture, nothing. He's never once brought it up since. That's just who he is. If you ever need him, he's already got his shoes on before you've finished asking. Now, Priya. Tom met her at a work thing he almost didn't go to because he had a cold. Imagine that. The love of his life very nearly lost out to a box of tissues and some Lemsip. And apparently he then spent a full week rehearsing how he'd ask her out, according to his flatmate, who I believe has video evidence he's saving for the right moment. What I really want to say is what she's done for him since. Tom used to be late for everything. His own birthday, probably. Now he's the one texting me twenty minutes before we're meant to leave, asking where I am. Priya did that. She's also the only person on this earth who can tell him he's being ridiculous and have him actually listen, which the rest of us have been trying to do for thirty-odd years with no success at all. Priya, thank you for making my brother even better than he already was. And Tom, you are honestly the most reliable person I know. I mean that. So if everyone could raise a glass. To Tom and Priya, to a lifetime of being late together, and to many more two a.m. drives, though hopefully happier ones from now on. To Tom and Priya.